Welcome to Reality

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." -Arthur Golden

Deep breathes, everything will be okay Maria. Just breathe.

Life is not meant to be easy. Sadly some people learn this lesson sooner than others. As I faced my creative writing class, the beating of my heart blocked out the sounds around me and my vision blurred out all of the surrounding faces. It was time to tell my story. Why was I so nervous? I have known these people for 3 years, but they never really knew me. As far as they knew, I was the happy-go-lucky cheerleader that happened to be really good at math and Spanish. However, there was much more to me that I kept hidden.

Focus Maria. You need to get this over with. It's your time to speak up.

I nervously stared at my 10 page personal narrative about identity; feeling my heart make its way to my throat. It was time to open up and trust that these friends of mine would not look at me differently after finding out the craziness of my past.

Wow look at their faces, they must think I'm damaged.

I looked around at my peers as I told them about being kidnapped at 2 years old by my abusive father because my mother did not want him seeing me. Hearing the heartbreaking cries of my mother as he would toss her around and leave her scarred. About being molested by someone I called my cousin and his friend when I was merely 5 years old, after I had spent almost everyday hanging out with him. About my stepfather's mother about her verbal abuse towards me and feeling like a complete waste of space. Constantly moving around from city to city, never keeping friends. My suicide attempts and eating disorder. Everything. It all just came out as the tears rushed down my cheeks and  my teacher had to continue reading for me. 

Silence filled the room once she was done and all I could see through my tear filled eyes were the shocked faces of my friends and peers. Because to them I was happy, but to me I was lost.

Everyone was supportive and showed their sympathy. They applauded me for being brave and telling my story. 

However, this was only a glimpse of me and that was four years ago. College life decided to push me more.