College...new chapter

"You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself

any direction you choose." Dr. Seuss 

This is it! You made it to college! Okay Maria you just need to prove to everyone that you deserve to be here.

I thought I was ready for all the things that were going to happen in college, but once again life decided to throw me a curve ball. My first semester was the worst rollercoaster ride ever. I felt like I was living in a crazy dream.

First problem didn't seem to be the end of the world but it set off a ripple effect. My two year relationship had ended in September, due to major lack of trust and thanks to my new found confidence I was ready to move on.

Then my aunt who had been battling breast cancer past away in the beginning of October 2010. It was the first death that actually had a major affect on me. My first funeral that I had to go to and see her lifeless body that was once filled with so much joy. I felt myself losing the will to pay attention in my classes and lost my relationship with my roommates. 

A month later, while on the freeway to head home for the weekend my brother turns to my mom and says, "So, whose going to tell Maria?" Confused I knew that wasn't a good sign. That's when I found out that my mother/best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. I felt trapped in the car with no where to run and cry. 

Let's just say at this point I was a complete and utter mess. I felt broken and scared. I even saw the school counselor, who said I was so depressed that I needed to see an actual therapist.

All this during my first semester.

The only one that stood by me through all of it was the guy I was seeing named John. No one understood why we were together but he was always there to hold me when I was falling apart. Along with his silly friends that constantly picked on him for having me around. But he was still there to somehow put a smile on my face. He was the one person I couldn't stay mad at.

The thing is I never knew how damaged I really was. I constantly felt like he deserved to be with someone who was happy, so I pushed him away.

So much, that he actually became cold towards me. 

By the time my sophomore year had started, it was clear that I had lost the guy I thought was my best friend.