New Hobby Before Leaving for Europe

My YouTube Channel

          I used to be a behind the scenes observer afraid to show off my silly quirks until I surrounded myself with amazing people. The main people in my life who inspire me are my best friend and my boyfriend. My best friend has been there for everything I have been through and no matter what I know she has my back. She is a talented person who is very goal driven. Whenever something new happens to her I cannot help but be excited because if she can push herself against the odds then so can I. After my procedure I realized that she was one of the main people I wanted to see because I knew my health actually meant something to her. The other person, my amazing boyfriend, has also been an inspiring person because he is just as driven. A real life Robin Hood and Romeo wrapped in one. While I am home on winter break he is off with his family and even though I am away from my friends they still push me to tap into things I love to do.

  So what does any of this have to do with my new hobby? 

          I have always loved to sing. And this is something I have only expressed to a few people. The two people I mentioned earlier know this little fact about me and are constantly trying to get me to share it. So I decided, "Why not put videos of myself on YouTube? I mean that's what everyone else does, right?" Well I started to do this and now it's become something keeping me sane while my friends are away. I know I am not a superstar and this is definitely not to be famous. But just like my blog entries, it has become an outlet for self expression. So if you click on my title you can see what I have been up to. Hopefully it will inspire you to do something that you did not think you could do. I mean I am one of millions to post on YouTube so I said why be scared? I leave the country in 18 days, why not do something silly until I leave?
   

Here's one of the videos:

Seven Deadly Sins

Seven Deadly Sins

"There are seven sins in the world.
Wealth without work,
Pleasure without conscience,
Knowledge without character,
Commerce without morality,
Science without humanity,
Religion without sacrifice, and
Politics without principle."
~ Mahatma Gandhi


In honor of an event being held at my college, I have decided to finally update my blog with a post on sin ;)
I would like to point out though that this is not an anti-christ post, so if people have a problem with me talking about what the different sins mean then they obviously need to go back to the little bubble of denial and leave my blog :) Thank you for your time.

Descriptions:

Pride: is excessive belief in one's own abilities. Basically means thinking you are better than everyone else. 

Envy: the desire for other's traits, status, abilities, or situation.

Gluttony: inordinate desire to consume more than one needs.

Lust: craving pleasure.

Anger/Wrath: dwells in hate.

Greed: desire for material wealth or gain.

Sloth: avoidance of physical work. You are L-A-Z-Y.

I'll expand later with some outfit ideas in case you ever find yourself going to a seven deadly sins event :)

You Go Glen Coco!

Realizing that I am not the only Mean Girls fan, I have decided to dedicate this blog post to some of my favorite quotes from the movie.

Coach Carr: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it. Ok, promise? Ok, now everybody take some rubbers.

Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white?

Gretchen: Oh my god Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.

Janis: We gotta crack Gretchen. Once we crack Gretchen, we crack the lock on Regina's whole dirty history.
Damien: Say crack again.
Janis: Crack.

Damien: She's fabulous, but she's evil.

Gretchen: That is so fetch!
Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!

Janis: What is that smell?
Cady: Oh, Regina gave me some perfume.
Janis: You smell like a baby prostitute.
Cady: Thanks.

Cady: I have a theory that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.

Janis: This is Damien. He's almost too gay to function.

Janis: And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may look like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.

Damien: SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!

Cady: And that's the day Regina George died.

Honesty Hour

“We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways-the ways we react and behave when we love someone.” –John Gray

Holding hands, late night talks, early morning greetings, kissing, laughing, joking, sharing, being friends, everything. When does this turn to screaming, crying, hurting, fighting? It’s all a mystery.

Lately I have dealt with many examples of unfairness in relationships; whether they are between someone and their partner or among friends. I usually try to be somewhat proper in my post but due to the proximity of this topic to my personal life, just excuse my emotional ranting.

I would like to address a few problems I have in terms of the way relationships function nowadays.

Social Media

I am of course guilty of being hooked on the drama that appears on social media sites, however, some people still have not realized that everything they say or do is going to get out. It honestly does not matter if a person keeps some of their posts private. PEOPLE TALK! Whatever you do, people will find out. Scary isn’t it? Well that is the point I am trying to make in regards to relationships and friendships. A person cannot truly believe that they can get away with doing shady or mistrustful actions and the other person not finding out. In today’s world, most people have multiple friends in common. As much as you want to believe that all your friends are there to keep your secrets, there is always one person that says something to someone else. That goes on and on until it eventually reaches the person you were deceiving. So word of advice, just let that person know if you want something else out of the friendship or relationship. Whether it means you do not want that person around or you are ready to move on with someone else.

Misleading Actions

The hardest part about talking to someone new is figuring out where you stand with them. That is because the lines can get so blurry. I used to believe that if someone was looking for a meaningless fling, then they would not put in a lot of effort forming a friendship with the other person. I guess I was mistaken.  Why act like you are more than friends with someone, if you are just going to cut them out completely the moment other people make comments? I can only assume insecurity or guilty conscience.  

Honesty

Honesty does not seem to exist anymore. Question for my readers: if a person is already seeing someone, why would they cheat? There is no point. Like the quote says, “DON’T CHEAT. If you’re not happy just leave.” The longer you keep it up, the more complicated everything gets. More feelings get involved and you end up hurting people that you supposedly care about. How do you know that the person you are cheating with wants to be involved? If they do, then you might as well be with them instead of hurting the person you are actually dating.

Overall, what I am trying to say is that I think people truly need to think about what they want. No one wants to get their heart played with. 

Embracing Inner Strength

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you do. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

As I count down the days to my road to getting healthy, I remind myself how important it is to find my own inner strength. This past weekend, I found out a lot about myself as a person and a young woman. In just two days, I dealt with a small heartbreak, a brush with the law and a major workout. 

I am a person with a huge heart and very guilty of falling too hard for people. But what I have realized is that life is way too short to put up a brick wall and shut people out. The reason it seems like I fall fast is because the moment you enter my life, you enter my heart in the way that I will always care for you. It honestly does not matter if I dislike you. If you are in trouble, I will be there for you. 

Many people find this as a weakness, but you know what? I am extremely strong. It takes a strong person to allow themselves to be vulnerable towards others. Because with that vulnerability there is always a chance for pain. I could be a coward and keep myself closed off from others and hate the world but that would just hurt me not anyone else. 

This weekend reminded me how far a smiling face and friendly personality could get it; in addition to the benefits of being single for awhile. I never really understood what my godfather meant when he said that my beauty and intelligence is a powerful thing and it could get me anything. For one, I never thought I was that beautiful because of how ugly people made me feel. However, this weekend when my friends and I almost got arrested for some minor illegal actions, I remained calm and handled the situation in a mature manner. To the point that they let us off with a warning and allowed us to continue with a great night. 

Another important thing I learned about myself is that I am no longer putting up with people that are draining for me to be around. I will turn you down if I do not like you, I will probably say something that you disagree with, but I am no longer apologizing for being myself. If you do not like what you hear or what I do then you might as well keep your distance.

Let's just say this weekend was a big, much needed, confidence boost.

Life always throws random/crazy situations at us, but it is up to us to find the inner strength and maturity needed to face life and say, "Is that the best you've got?"

Top 10 Relaxation Techniques

“Stress is an ignorant state.  It believes that everything is an emergency.” 

~Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind

If you’re like me and get very stressed out, here are some ways to help you reduce the stress and find relaxation. Some stress might be good because it helps motivate people to actually get work done, but too much stress can be very damaging to your body. In my case, practicing the following techniques could help keep me around longer.

1.       Meditate!

Do activities that will keep your attention calm such as; walking, swimming, painting, knitting, etc. Do this activity for at least 5-10 minutes a day.

2.       Picture Yourself Relaxed

Imagine something or somewhere that evokes calm thoughts and distracts you from the chaos that is causing stress. This can be anything from imagining a cozy robe, lying in bed, being on vacation. Anything that is peaceful.

3.       Breathe Deeply

When your body in under stress, it causes your breathing to get tense and shallow. So change it by taking a deep breath and exhale slowly. Repeat 10 times allowing yourself to relax more and more with each breath.

4.       Look Around You

Practice focusing on one task at a time. For example, if you are outside focus on the clouds, the flowers, or little things. If you try focusing your attention on one task at a time instead of multiple things then you will be able to prevent stress from building up.

5.       Drink Hot Tea

So, I know people are hooked on their coffee, but coffee raises levels of the notorious stress hormone, and cortisol. Green tea, however, offers health and beauty. It’s not horrible guys just give it a try.

6.       Show Some Love

Little actions like cuddling with your pet, giving an unexpected hug to family or friends, snuggling with a spouse, or talking to a friend about good things in their lives are all amazing and simple ways to lower stress. Hugs are great!  

7.       Try Self Massage

Follow these steps if you have no time to have a pro give you a massage and you feel tense.

1.       Place both hands on your shoulders and neck.

2.       Squeeze with your fingers and palms.

3.       Rub vigorously, keeping shoulders relaxed.

4.       Wrap one hand around the other forearm.

5.       Squeeze the muscles with thumb and fingers.

6.       Move up and down from your elbow to fingertips and back again.

7.       Repeat with other arm.

8.       Take Time Out

I know this isn’t kindergarten, but taking a time out for yourself can be beneficial in reducing stress.  Just go off for a bit and have some alone time. Often having other people around can cause more stress than necessary. Like my mom says when she goes missing for long hours after work, “sometimes I need to runaway”.

9.       Take a Musical Detour

Okay, I know most people my age are not major fans of classical music, but want to know something? Listening to at least 30 minutes of classical music can create calming effects equivalent to 10mg of Valium!

10.   Take an Attitude Break

It only takes 30 seconds to change your attitude to a positive one. I am guilty of being stubborn, but it’s true. Just try a little optimism; it might just shock you how much better you will feel.

Resources 

http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/blissing-out-10-relaxation-techniques-reduce-stress-spot

The Pros and Cons of Being a Stripper in College

“Sometimes, when I'm alone, I put on six inch heels and wear nothing else and dance around in front of the mirror and do my little stripper dance.” – Tori Spelling

Some may be wondering why I chose to make today’s post about stripping, but hey when college life gets hard and you need fast cash, you think about your options. Plus I would like to say now, that I think anyone who strips for a living is a brave person because this industry is harsh and has way too much negative backlash.  On a second note, I am not, nor have I ever been, a professional stripper; but like any writer I do my research.

PROS:

•           Easy money
•           Can help finance for school
•           Working at a good club with bouncers and protection (head to Vegas)
•            Getting compliments
•            Making your own schedule
•           Gain confidence
•            Does not interfere with classes

CONS:

•       Ignorant opinions of others
•            Dealing with drunk, unruly customers
•            Dealing with jealous co-workers
•            Explaining decision to future employers
•            Lots of drugs and alcohol among co-workers
•            Pretending to be interested in customers
•            Need start up money for outfits, shoes, etc.
•           You become the campus stripper
•            Exhausted for morning classes
•           No free weekends
•            Customers following you back to campus and having to call campus safety at 5am

Resources:

• https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=15723
• http://meadow-prosnconstobecomingastripper.blogspot.com/2011/02/pros-and-cons-to-becoming-stripper.html

Top 14 Tips for College Survival

"College is the best time of your life.  When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?"  ~David Wood

I know many students are about to start this wonderful, independent adventure of being a college student. So here are some fun tips I found that might help your experience ;) 

14. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.

13. Enjoy being a Sophomore -- It will be the best three years of your life.
12. Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it''s all fun and games until someone loses their ''nads.
11. Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
10. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative "home pharmaceuticals" business.
9. If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
8. Boring lecture? Start a wave!
7. College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
6. "I Phelta Thi" is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.
5. Remember - almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
4. Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
3. Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
2. Don''t think of it as sleeping with your professor -- think of it as "acing Biology."
1. In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.

*follow these tips at your own will*

Only A Mirage

“The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?” – Albert Einstein

Just smile Maria. No one has to know. You’re just being silly.

There are many people out there that find themselves in abusive relationships. The sad part is that those people often feel like they either deserve the abuse or they are just ”being silly”.

Abuse comes in many forms; physical, verbal, neglect and mental. In some relationships those types of abuse may start out as simple playing or joking, but they eventually become serious. When someone lays a hand on you or grips you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, that is not okay.

You should not have to spend your time covering up bruises or putting on a smile, in something that should make you happy.

The worse part about being in an abusive relationship is that everyone is quick to say, “then why did you stay so long”. What they do not understand (what I did not understand) is that once you are in that situation there are so many factors that make you feel like it is not as serious as it seems.

Maybe the person you are with is a great person to everyone around them. In that case, you are constantly hearing how great he/she is and how lucky you are. Hearing that all the time adds up; if you say something about how that person treats you, then you are just being silly or lying because “a person like that could never be capable of hurting someone”.

Maybe they are constantly yelling at you and telling you how “no one will ever love you” and “you aren’t worth caring about”. To the point that you begin to actually question what would happen if you leave; would you be alone?

When it gets to the point that the yelling is so intense that you are in fear of doing anything wrong because they might actually hurt you, it is not okay.

For me it took too long to realize this. But luckily that person is no longer in my life. Unlike others in that situation, the person tormenting me left.

If you are in a situation like that, where you feel uncomfortable in your relationship, truly think about leaving. I know it’s hard and I know it might seem like you will be alone, but you would be surprised by who sticks by your side.

A Mother's Love and Support

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts" ~Washington Irving

Maria, what's wrong?

My mother always knew when something was bothering me. I guess it was her mother instincts. No matter what it was, my mother was always there for me. Mainly because in her eyes, even though I was one of the oldest children in the house, I was always the more fragile one.

Growing up, we were constantly moving, so I never had friends that I got really close to. I just had my siblings. However, while we lived in Vegas it was more obvious that my stepfather and his mother showed more favoritism to my younger siblings. It was so apparent that one day my mom sat with me in the car while we cried over the unfairness. I was the black sheep. 

That was just one incident in which my mom acknowledge how I was treated differently than my sisters and younger brother. There was another time when my stepfather threatened to kick me out of the house for no reason other than he thought I was becoming like my older sister. That truly broke my mom. She held me with tears rolling down her eyes, repeating that she would not let a man chase away another one of her children. 

My mom has always been the one on my side. She truly is my best friend. 

When I was sixteen, she even set me up on a blind date with her coworkers grandson just because she just knew I would like him because he played football and he had pretty eyes which is a plus. At sixteen, I could not believe that 1) I would be going on a blind date and 2) it was set up by my mother. But I guess my mother knew me better than I thought since it lasted two years.

Once it ended my mom simply said, "there are other fish in the sea".

I love this woman more than anything and the fact that I got to see how strong she was in going through breast cancer it amazes me. By now, I should mention my mother is in fact alive. She is the most silly and happy person sometimes I have no idea how, but she is. She is now there for me with my illness and I know with her by my side I will be okay.

She is my mother, my best friend, the queen of ratchets (as she learned to accept), my biggest support system. I do not know what I would do without her.

Live Everyday to the Fullest

"In the end, it's not going to how many breathes you took, but how many moments took your breathe away" -Shing Xiong

So this summer has been a little crazy in the whole "you're dying" sense, but my sisters have been there to make sure I didn't stay home and be lame. Being able to actually go out and dance and have fun has been amazing. I felt kind of lame at first since I wasn't allowed to drink heavy liquor or whatever but it didn't matter. I proved to them that I could be just as fun sober. 

Let's just say the first night we went out I got a little hot and took my shirt off and danced on a table with my sisters...but I don't regret it one bit.

I've had fun just forgetting that I'm not in the best health because I know that sitting at home will basically feel like death.

I could go into all the crazy details about what else I've done but it might be a bit much. Anyways despite what doctors say or how crappy you feel at the moment, don't forget to go out and have fun. Do something crazy :)

Smile :)

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia

So now you know a little bit about my struggles, but you know what like I said before life is not easy. I could  go on everyday pouting and crying over all the bad things that I've been through and the stuff I'm dealing with now but there's no point. I AM ALIVE. That is it! I can complain all I want but in the end I am still alive. I am a strong person because of the fact that I can still face everyday with a smile :) I have a great family that makes me laugh because of how dysfunctional we are. I have friends that don't judge me for being random. I am lucky for all the good things I have. I am a college student, a sister, a daughter, and an overall good person. 

People might want to feel sorry for me but I will say this; DON'T. Just be a good person. Don't judge people because you don't know what they might be hiding behind their smile. Be a friend. Be there for people. Ask them about their day. Take the time to care about others. Even if it is just a simple hug hello (which I love), it can make a major difference in someone's day. Don't let someone feel forgotten.  

To everyone who has been reading my posts, I'd like to say thank you because you care about what I have to say, even if it's just a nosy curiosity. 

Smile :)

When Illness Strikes

"There is one consolation in being sick; and that is the possibility that you may recover to a better state than you were ever in before." -Henry David Thoreau 

It's official, I belong in a plastic bubble...

My sophomore year in college consisted of me constantly being sick. Honestly to the point that I could build a skyscraper out of all my tissues. Yeah I know gross image...but I was truly sick. It felt as though every time I saw a doctor I had something new, some new internal infection; whether it be my sinus issues or my throat killing me. At one point, my doctor thought I had strep which was an issue because I was in a child development observation class and I had to be around children. How horrible would I feel if I got one of those little children sick? So I missed a lot of class. That's not something you want to do in college. I was so behind I thought I was going to fail at least two of my classes. 

Some days I just felt completely exhausted. Being stressed because of classes and other activities made it impossible for me to get better. I guess my body was more exhausted than I thought because the events following spring break led to the discovery of what was actually wrong with me.

What happened? Why am I on the floor? Did I really just pass out in my theater workshop? Ugh everyone is just looking at me...

My vision was still dark but I could see people standing around me as I sat there in confusion. A pierce ringing buzzed in my ear, distorting all sounds. "I'm fine" I said as the instructor came over to me. This was too sudden.

Great the paramedics are here...can this be anymore embarrassing?

I went through the routine questions I have been used to answering whenever I faint. "Yes, I have eaten" "No, I don't know why this happened" "Yes, you can check my blood pressure". 

As far as they could tell, I was fine but they thought I should go to the hospital. Being stubborn and not wanting to pay the transportation fee I said I was okay. 

For the next 3 days I experienced the most frustrating headaches imaginable. I literally felt like I was going insane. So what did I do? I went to the campus health center; which resulted in a trip to the ER! Okay I wasn't that excited...I honestly waited an hour to actually go until the nurse at the health center said they would call the paramedics if I didn't get a ride to the ER right away.

Well 9 hrs and many tests later in the ER later and the doctor decided I just had a mere sinus infection...thankfully my big sister was there the whole time to keep me company. Just a sinus infection?

A week later the hospital tried to contact me but I kept missing so they called my mom and told her that it was important that I call them immediately. Naturally my first thought was "great I'm dying". Turned out they needed to run an angiogram on me in which they inserted a catheter in my arm to release contrast dye and get a clearer look at my brain. Now that felt like I was dying. Imagine your whole body feeling as if it was set on fire. Not fun. 

Then on the morning of my 20th birthday, June 4th, I get some not so great news. 

Did he just say I'm dying?

I looked over at my mom and can see how uncomfortable and sad she is as the doctor explains my diagnosis. It was as if she was right back in the room by herself hearing about her cancer all over again.

I have a brain avm in other words, "Your daughter has an abnormal artery located in her brain" was the jist of what he was saying. I'm not going to lie, the moment he started describing how at any second I could have a brain aneurysm or a seizure (which apparently I've had twice but they were babies), I completely felt like I was having a nightmare. I just turned 20. Who wants to be told that they only have so many years left to live on their birthday? He made it worse when my mom wanted to know how something like this could happen; doctor's response, "in you". A brain avm is something that a person is born with.

I was confused. But then I looked at my mom and felt her pain. So what did I do? I smiled and made lame jokes about knowing that I was damaged. 

College...new chapter

"You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself

any direction you choose." Dr. Seuss 

This is it! You made it to college! Okay Maria you just need to prove to everyone that you deserve to be here.

I thought I was ready for all the things that were going to happen in college, but once again life decided to throw me a curve ball. My first semester was the worst rollercoaster ride ever. I felt like I was living in a crazy dream.

First problem didn't seem to be the end of the world but it set off a ripple effect. My two year relationship had ended in September, due to major lack of trust and thanks to my new found confidence I was ready to move on.

Then my aunt who had been battling breast cancer past away in the beginning of October 2010. It was the first death that actually had a major affect on me. My first funeral that I had to go to and see her lifeless body that was once filled with so much joy. I felt myself losing the will to pay attention in my classes and lost my relationship with my roommates. 

A month later, while on the freeway to head home for the weekend my brother turns to my mom and says, "So, whose going to tell Maria?" Confused I knew that wasn't a good sign. That's when I found out that my mother/best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. I felt trapped in the car with no where to run and cry. 

Let's just say at this point I was a complete and utter mess. I felt broken and scared. I even saw the school counselor, who said I was so depressed that I needed to see an actual therapist.

All this during my first semester.

The only one that stood by me through all of it was the guy I was seeing named John. No one understood why we were together but he was always there to hold me when I was falling apart. Along with his silly friends that constantly picked on him for having me around. But he was still there to somehow put a smile on my face. He was the one person I couldn't stay mad at.

The thing is I never knew how damaged I really was. I constantly felt like he deserved to be with someone who was happy, so I pushed him away.

So much, that he actually became cold towards me. 

By the time my sophomore year had started, it was clear that I had lost the guy I thought was my best friend. 

Welcome to Reality

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." -Arthur Golden

Deep breathes, everything will be okay Maria. Just breathe.

Life is not meant to be easy. Sadly some people learn this lesson sooner than others. As I faced my creative writing class, the beating of my heart blocked out the sounds around me and my vision blurred out all of the surrounding faces. It was time to tell my story. Why was I so nervous? I have known these people for 3 years, but they never really knew me. As far as they knew, I was the happy-go-lucky cheerleader that happened to be really good at math and Spanish. However, there was much more to me that I kept hidden.

Focus Maria. You need to get this over with. It's your time to speak up.

I nervously stared at my 10 page personal narrative about identity; feeling my heart make its way to my throat. It was time to open up and trust that these friends of mine would not look at me differently after finding out the craziness of my past.

Wow look at their faces, they must think I'm damaged.

I looked around at my peers as I told them about being kidnapped at 2 years old by my abusive father because my mother did not want him seeing me. Hearing the heartbreaking cries of my mother as he would toss her around and leave her scarred. About being molested by someone I called my cousin and his friend when I was merely 5 years old, after I had spent almost everyday hanging out with him. About my stepfather's mother about her verbal abuse towards me and feeling like a complete waste of space. Constantly moving around from city to city, never keeping friends. My suicide attempts and eating disorder. Everything. It all just came out as the tears rushed down my cheeks and  my teacher had to continue reading for me. 

Silence filled the room once she was done and all I could see through my tear filled eyes were the shocked faces of my friends and peers. Because to them I was happy, but to me I was lost.

Everyone was supportive and showed their sympathy. They applauded me for being brave and telling my story. 

However, this was only a glimpse of me and that was four years ago. College life decided to push me more.